Romeo & Juliet GX style!
by Sutzgal
Summary: The GX cast do a play of Romeo and Juliet, directed by three crazy fangirls. What hilarities ensue? Read to find out! Mild JadenXAlexis but they aren't happy about it!


**CAST**  
Jaden Yuki (Judai Yuki) - Romeo Montague  
Alexis Rhodes (Asuka Tenjoin) - Juliet Capulet  
Syrus Truesdale (Sho Marafuji) - Benvolio  
Zane Truesdale (Ryo Marafuji) - Tybalt Capulet  
Kiara Beaumont - Nurse  
Bastion Misawa (Daichi Misawa) - Mercutio  
Chazz Princeton (Manjyome Jun) - Paris  
Atticus Rhodes (Fubuki Tenjoin) - Friar Lawrence  
HassleberryTyranno (Kenzan Tyranno) - Prince Escalus  
Jazz/Mindy (Junko/Momoe) - Background  
Aster Phoenix (Edo Phoenix) - stage-hand

Susanna/Danni/Miriku – Directors

**Authoresses' Notes:**

Kiara Beaumont is a fancharacter who is thirteen years old and a special student at Duellist Academy due to a complicated series of events which I won't bore you with. It also must be noted that she has a big crush on Atticus Rhodes. They are not, I repeat, NOT an official couple! She just likes him and everyone teases her about it.

Susanna, Danni, Miriku and Stuart are real people who decided to insert themselves and take the GX characters along for the ride. Miriku and Susanna wrote the story, and as a result there are a few places where the punctuation and words used change because Susanna is British and Miriku is American.

Please ignore the mad squiffing of time that sticks Susanna only a few years older than her 'daughter'. It's a parody – it's not supposed to make sense.

Enjoy!

**Romeo & Juliet - Yu-Gi-Oh GX style!**  
"All right, guys!" Susanna clapped her hands together, beaming at the assembled Duel Academy students. "Everyone in costume? Yes? Good! Time for our dress rehearsal!"  
Syrus stared down at his costume, shaking his head. "Why are we doing this? I thought we were supposed to be saving the world...I would rather sit in class than be here!"  
"Because we're in charge, and we can make you do whatever we want!" Miriku grinned mischievously, waving her copy of the script through the air. "We're the stage managers, AND the authoresses! Bow before us!"  
"WATCH IT!" Danni yelped, ducking as Miriku nearly decapitated her with the script. "Don't kill anyone!"  
"Yeah, that's our job!" Jaden swung his wooden sword in a large arc, nearly hitting Chazz and Bastion--both of whom had to leap out of the way to avoid being bruised. "I get to take out two people in one play! Sweet, right?"  
"Not really," Alexis grumbled, tugging at the sleeves of her dress. "Especially since those two people are supposed to be in my family-- Hey, why do I have to be Juliet, anyway? She has no spine!"  
"Because we said so," Susanna replied with a sweet smile.  
"And because you and Jaden are already the cannon couple!" Miriku added smugly, causing both of them to blush.  
Chazz folded his arms, glaring at the three stage directors. "I don't see why I couldn't have been Romeo...I'd do better at it than THAT slacker..."  
"Because NO," Alexis said forcefully, glaring at him. "I am NOT going to play lead role in a romance next to YOU!"  
"And playing next to Jaden is SO much better," Chazz sneered.  
"It sure is!" Jaden said with a grin. "I actually have CHARACTER and-- YIKES!" The brunette ducked as Chazz's sword swung over his head, and set off at a sprint, laughing as Chazz dashed after him, flailing wildly with the prop-weapon.  
Bastion watched them run off, and then sweatdropped, shaking his head. "Well, then. It isn't as though we didn't see this one coming..."  
"That's EXACTLY why I set him up as Paris!" Miriku said with a grin, waving her copy of the script again. "Fighting over the girl! It always happens with those two anyway, so why not make it official?"  
Bastion glared at Susanna and Danni, who both shrugged. "Sorry, Bastion, but we did delegate casting to her," Susanna said with an apologetic smile. "She knows you people best, after all."  
"Apparently not," Bastion said flatly, "since she cast me as a man who is absolutely bonkers, and has no respect for a thing I like to call logic."  
"That's because Mercutio is AWESOME," Miriku retorted. "Besides, I figure it wouldn't do you any harm to loosen up a little!"  
"Brilliant," was the dry response.  
"Come on, Miriku. Stop freaking them out," Susanna said. "We've got a performance to start and money to be raised."  
"Just remind me to do what, again?" Alexis asked.  
"Rebuild the Slifer Red dorm!" came Jaden's distant voice, followed by a crash as Chazz swung the sword at him and missed, colliding with part of the staging and almost knocking it over.  
Danni glanced at Susanna and Miriku. "How did you manage to talk me into this?" she demanded of no one in particular. "I barely know these people."  
"You'll pick up a few things, trust me," Susanna told her, grabbing her companion by the arm. "Hey, Miriku, if you calm down for a second and settle in the seats with us, we'll make sure you have some fresh blood this evening."  
"Really?" Miriku licked her lips, eyes gleaming.  
"Truly," Susanna told her, and the vampire-girl allowed herself to be led into the seats at the foot of the stage, grinning stupidly.  
Danni followed them, shaking her head. "I've got a bad feeling about this…" She looked back over her shoulder and bellowed, "Hey! Jaden and Chazz, or whatever-your-names-are! Will you two promise not to murder each other in the next half hour?"  
"Yes," called Jaden breathlessly, appearing back on stage.  
"NO!" Chazz roared, lunging at Jaden, who sidestepped--and the black-haired boy ended up flat on his face.  
Alexis glared at the two of them. "Could you two grow up for, like, five minutes?"  
"Come on, boys!" Susanna called cheerfully from the seats. "If you don't behave we'll set Miriku on you!"  
"I want blood!" Miriku affected fierceness, baring her fangs and making her hands into claws while Danni and Susanna laughed.  
"Wait a sec…" Alexis stared with mingled alarm and interest at the shorter girl. "Why exactly do you want blood, Miriku?"  
The beaming smile didn't fade from Susanna and Miriku's faces.  
"Isn't it obvious?" Susanna said. "She's a vampire."  
There was a moment of stunned silence with the characters on stage. Then Syrus and Jaden screamed, clinging to each other for dear life. "AAAAAAAAAH! VAMPIRE!"  
"Like we haven't faced them before," muttered Zane, who had appeared at the back of the stage in that infuriating way of his.  
"Can somebody shut them up!?" Chazz yelled above the squeals of his 'friends'. "I have very sensitive hearing, you know!"  
Susanna stood up, cupped her hands around her mouth and shouted "QUIET!"--which, fortunately for Chazz's hearing (and everybody else's sanity), silenced both Jaden and Syrus.  
"Okay, first thing's first!" yelled Susanna, suddenly business-like. "You don't need to worry about Miriku being a vampire – she's perfectly harmless, so long as she's fed regularly." The others looked at each other doubtfully, but gave reluctant nods.  
Susanna's face was beginning to ache from smiling. "Right, everyone! Places, please! Paris, get backstage – we don't need you yet."  
Paris, or Chazz really, stormed off the stage, still moaning. "But I'd be great as Romeo!"  
"Tell it to the writing staff!" hollered Danni in an effort to shut him up.  
"Uh, hello? You people ARE the writing staff!"  
"Shut up, Princeton!" Miriku hollered, baring her fangs at the curtains in irritation.  
"OKAY, Jaden and Syrus…" Susanna took a deep breath. "Look, you two need to toughen up a bit. If you can't cope with a vampire, how're you gonna cope with flinging swords around?" She waved her hands in the air wildly. "You're Romeo and Benvolio! You have to be… I dunno! Brave! Bold! Reckless!"  
"Like me!" came a familiar voice from backstage.  
"CHAZZ PRINCETON, DON'T YOU DARE MAKE ME COME BACK THERE, OR--!!"  
"Miriku!!" Susanna and Danni grabbed at the younger girl, pulling her back down into her seat.  
"Calm down!"  
"He's just being an idiot, you know how he is!"  
"Don't you ladies worry your pretty little heads about a thing!" Atticus poked his head out from backstage, grinning--and dragging Chazz along in a headlock. "I've totally got this one covered! You can count on me, for certain-sure!"  
"Shut UP, Atticus," Alexis muttered, shaking her head. "Stage-hog...and you're supposed to be a humble friar!"  
"Only on stage, little sis!"  
"You ARE on stage!!"  
Miriku sweatdropped, crouching down on her chair (making herself look a lot like L in the process). "Guys, enough! Sheesh, you remind me of me and my little brother..."  
Danni blinked at her. "You had a little brother?"  
"Yup."  
"What happened to him?" Atticus asked curiously, seeming to forget the struggling Chazz for a moment.  
Miriku said nothing...but she did smile widely at Atticus, baring her fangs once more. The brunette boy had the grace to pale, and disappeared backstage, still hauling Chazz along for the ride.  
"Miriku!" Susanna gasped. "That's horrible!!"  
"It's also not true," Miriku said smugly. "Not that anyone else needs to know THAT."  
Susanna crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. Danni, beginning to tire of the arguing, called out, "Okay--places please, for the first scene!"  
"Yeah, Juliet, let's see the balcony scene!" called Susanna. "You do happen to know that your counterpart in my novel is called Juliet, right?"  
"YES!" everyone chorused.  
"Just checking," said Susanna innocently. Danni face-palmed.  
"By the way," mumbled Syrus as he and Bastion headed backstage, "I think we skipped something. Doesn't the balcony scene come part-way through through the SECOND act?"  
"Yes, but we didn't have enough people for the previous act, especially the battle and the party," Bastion told him. "I mean, there was a possibility of Sheppard being Lord Capulet…"  
Syrus' eyebrows met in the middle of his forehead. "NO."  
"Exactly. And Crowler was going to be Lord Montague."  
"Bet Crowler would've enjoyed that – 'Hey, Crowler, guess what! You get to be Jaden's dad!'"  
"Precisely," Bastion said a little primly.

They hadn't had time to make proper scenery for the play, so the badly painted child's-castle was the best that was present on stage (let's not even TALK about the bushes). Alexis stumbled out onto a balcony that creaked ominously beneath her feet, and stepped back, alarmed. "Are you sure this is safe?!"  
"It's gonna have to be, because it's the best I could do on short notice," came Aster Phoenix's annoyed voice from behind the castle. "Maybe if someone had WARNED me I was going to get stuck playing stage-hand to a trio of crazy fangirls..."  
"THEY'RE the crazy fangirls!" Danni pointed an accusing finger at her two friends. "Don't try to pin this one on me, pal! I don't even know who you are!"  
"You had plenty of warning, Aster!" Susanna told him, shooting a sideways glare at Danni. "Three days ought to be more than enough! Now let's get on with this already!"  
Alexis swallowed, mumbled a quick prayer, then leaned against the balcony, staring up into the rafters of the stage.  
"_'Oh, Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name…'_" She spoke clearly and dreamily, her eyes almost shining. It was so in-character that there was a stunned silence from the directors and cast.  
"Hey, that was good!" Miriku called approvingly, breaking the silence.  
Alexis turned, her dreamy Juliet face dropping like a ton of bricks as she scowled at the vampire. "Well, I decided that if I had to do this, I might as well do it justice."  
"We'll make a star outta you yet, Lexi!" called Atticus from the wings.  
"Shut up, Atticus!" cried Alexis and Miriku in unison.  
"Juliet, carry on!" Susanna yelled.  
"Oh, right, yes…" Alexis tossed her flowing hair back and leaned a little further over the balcony. She looked back at the three directors. "Umm… isn't Romeo supposed to be climbing up the balcony at this point?"  
"Where's Romeo?" Miriku groaned. "Hey, ROMEO!"  
There was a scuffle from backstage and Jaden was pushed on. "Sorry, guys! Missed my entrance!" He glanced at the balcony apprehensively. "Er… what do I do now?"  
"Only you could muck this up," sighed Susanna. "Climb that ivy and get up there to your lady-love!" Alexis wrinkled her nose.  
Jaden cast the 'ivy' (ropes painted green and nailed to the wall) another reluctant look, then shrugged and set about climbing it. It took ages, and by the time he was within reach of the balcony Alexis was leaning against the wall, her arms folded and tapping her foot in a very un-Juliet-like manner indeed.  
"Come _here_, Alexis – uh, I mean Juliet." Jaden commanded in a frustrated voice. Alexis leaned towards him before looking at the directors again.  
"What do we do now?"  
"Nuzzle," Susanna said, grinning.  
Both Jaden and Alexis pulled faces similar to sucking lemons. "Do we have to?"  
"YES!" was the reply from the three directors. "Unless you want me to swap Jaden and Chazz's roles!" Miriku added, which was more than enough to galvanize the two actors into stepping closer.  
"So now what?" Jaden asked, pulling his script out of his vest and rifling through it. "I dunno where we are..."  
"Now you guys kiss!" Danni called.  
"Yeah!" Miriku waved her much-abused script again, this time nearly clouting Susanna with it. "You guys kiss, like, five times up there before Romeo has to run away!"  
"Give me that!!" Susanna snatched the script out of Miriku's hands, glowering. "Honestly! You can turn ANYTHING into a weapon of mass destruction!"  
"It's a gift," Miriku retorted, snatching it back and turning to the flustered pair on the balcony. "Come on, now! Think of it as a practice run for the final scene! You gotta get it over with!"  
Jaden and Alexis glanced at each other, and then looked away. "We might as well," Alexis pointed out, carefully keeping her eyes averted.  
"If you think so," Jaden mumbled. The two of them raised their heads, taking a step closer to each other...  
And, with a creaking groan, the kiddy-castle toppled over, bringing down the rest of the scenery and half the backdrop with it.

Moments later, Jaden and Alexis reappeared out of the wreckage, bruised and more than a little embarrassed.  
"Ha ha… Oops," gasped Jaden, coughing out grit.  
"Okay, that totally messed the scene up," Alexis spluttered.  
There was a crash from somewhere backstage and none other than Tyranno Hassleberry stormed onto the stage, ripping away the pieces of wood and paper by sheer strength.  
"I'll rescue you guys!" he roared.  
"We don't NEED rescuing!" Alexis tried to protest as Hassleberry lifted her into a fireman's lift and carried her out with Jaden limping after.  
Susanna, who along with Miriku and Danni, had disappeared behind the row of seats when the scenery came down, peeped up over the top, saw what the boy was doing and stood up straight.  
"Hey, Hassleberry! What the hell are you doing?! The Prince isn't needed for a good few scenes yet!"  
Hassleberry halted and Jaden crashed into him, banging heads painfully with Alexis.  
"What does the Prince do?" Hassleberry asked curiously as Miriku and Danni reappeared from behind the seats.  
"Well, he… er…" Susanna was floundering. "He sits around looking regal and then at the end he gives this great big speech about '_all are punished_' or something…" She looked behind her to Miriku. "…Right?"  
Miriku shrugged absently, too busy staring at Danni staring in horror at the collapsed castle.  
There was a moment of silence as Hassleberry considered this. "That's no fun," he said at last.  
Miriku rolled her eyes. "Well, duh, but we had to give the part to SOMEONE."  
Hassleberry paused, shrugged, then ran on with Alexis still over his shoulder and Jaden scrambling after them, red-faced.  
"Hey! No! Hassleberry, we need them for the next scene!" yelled Miriku.  
"Hassleberry! Stop! Desist! Bad dino-boy!" Susanna shouted. She stopped and added with a chuckle, "I've always wanted to say that."  
Miriku glared at her. "He's messing up the scene!"  
"I think the scene was messed up when the scenery came down." Danni murmured, rubbing one temple. "But hey," she added, grinning slyly at her friends while they goggled. "At least we got them to kiss…"  
The other two directors blinked at her.  
"We did?"  
"Did we?"  
"You were too busy yelling at the dinosaur-kid. You didn't see what happened when Jaden bumped into him." Danni jammed a fist into her mouth, stifling the giggles that were building up like waves. "Their lips touched. Did you see how much he was blushing?"  
"It wasn't intentional!" came a furious voice from somewhere off-stage, but the three directors weren't listening. They were doubled up in their seats, helpless with laughter--and when Chazz, Aster, and Atticus staggered out onto the stage, arguing at the top of their lungs, it just made things worse.  
"Why would I knock over the damn castle?!" Chazz yelled. "Alexis was up there!!"  
"So was Jaden, and you hate him!" Aster shot back.  
"Not enough to risk injuring Alexis," Atticus said doubtfully.  
"Exactly!! I would never harm her on purpose!!" Chazz glared at Aster. "YOU'RE the one who tripped me!!"  
"I did not!"  
"Did so!"  
"Did not!"  
"Did so!"  
"Children, please!" Atticus stepped between them, arms out to the sides. "This isn't getting us anywhere! And you have a mess to clean up!"  
"Why do WE have to do it?" Chazz and Aster whined in unison.  
"Because YOU two knocked it over, so YOU two get to clean it up!"  
"You've gotta be kidding me!" Aster grumbled. "Me, pick all this up? I didn't do anything!"  
Atticuse hit him on the back of the head with his palm. "Get to work, buddy!"  
"While you do WHAT?!" Chazz asked sharply.  
"Sit around and watch you work, of course!" Atticus smirked. "Now, no more slacking! Get to it!"

Half an hour later, the stage was cleared of debris and the bushes and fake rocks had been set up for the next scene. The three directors sat down in their seats with a huff, and Susanna flipped through her copy of the script once more. "All right, then... Syrus, Bastion, Jaden, and Kiara! You're up next!"  
Kiara stumbled out onto the stage, her baggy nun's robes dragging behind her. "I can't get this thing to fit properly!" she complained to Syrus, who was also tugging at his costume. The blue-haired boy nodded with a sigh.  
"Susanna, I'd like a word with you." An orange cat leaped up onto the back of the seat in front of Susanna, and sat back on his haunches, glowering at her.  
Danni blinked, and then glanced up at the stage. "You're Kalil, right? Kiara's friend, like Marie is to Susanna?"  
"Correct. Her friend, her guardian...and someone who is TRYING to protect her innocent mind." The glare he leveled Susanna would have cowed lesser souls. "Have you READ Kiara's script? Actually READ it? I almost had a heart attack at the first question she asked me! You can't expect me to explain what any of this MEANS, can you?! YOU'RE supposed to be her mother, even if you are only fifteen for some reason!!"  
Frantically, Susanna cut him off. "Sixteen. And Kiara IS aware of some of the issues tackled in that script – she isn't a toddler! But I wasn't in charge of casting! Miriku begged to do that, and we let her!!" She pointed at the seat next to her...which, all of a sudden, was conspicuously empty.  
"She went that way," Danni said idly, pointing at the stage. Sure enough, the vampire was fussing over Kiara's costume, trying to pin the skirts up to just the right height. Susanna shook her head, sweatdropping. "Of course...making herself scarce at the first sign of trouble...it must be a survival instinct, she always does it."  
"Okay, Kiara," Miriku hissed, finally finishing adjusting the skirt. "Now hide behind the bush and wait for your cue."  
Kiara cast the vampire a wary look before dashing behind one of the battered prop-bushes, tripping in her haste. Kalil, shooting a scorching glare at Miriku and Susanna, bounded up to join her.  
"I don't remember the Nurse ever having a cat, Kiara…" Jaden began, but the next growl from Kalil changed his mind about all that.  
"I don't remember the Nurse ever being younger than Juliet, either," Syrus remarked.  
"Hey, maybe you and Alexis should swap roles…" Jaden began, but Kiara rounded on him.  
"Don't even think about it! I'm NOT kissing you in the final scene!" The little brunette glanced swiftly back over her shoulder at Atticus, who was conversing with Alexis somewhere behind the curtains.  
Miriku smirked a little. "Maybe if the superstar wannabe over there was Romeo, instead of Jaden..."  
"Oh--hush!" Kiara's cheeks went red as she glared at the vampire. "You don't know ANYTHING!" She glanced around, and then lowered her voice. "This is really hard, OK?! It's not my fault everything decided to go hearts and sparkles when I saw him!"  
Miriku nodded solemnly. "'The heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing.' A friend of mine once said that, a long time ago." She smiled, tousling Kiara's hair. "It's still fun to tease you about it, though!"  
"Thanks a lot, Vampire," the younger girl muttered, fixing her hair and ducking behind the bushes.  
"You're welcome, Fangirl," Miriku shot back with a grin, before jumping off the stage and running back to her seat beside Susanna.  
Susanna glanced at her. "Oi, stop embarrassing my daughter. That's MY job!"  
"Too late," Miriku said, cupping her hands around her mouth. "All right, Bastion and Syrus! You're on!"  
Bastion rested his sword against his shoulder, flipping through his script. "So...I'm supposed to say...'_Where the devil should this Romeo be? Came he not home tonight?_'"  
As Syrus began his reply, Susanna sank back in her seat with a groan. "Finally... something's actually going RIGHT..."  
"You shouldn't have said that," Danni remarked. "Now something's gonna go--"  
"WRONG!! YOU'RE DOING IT COMPLETELY WRONG, BASTION!!"  
Sweatdropping, Susanna ducked, just in time to avoid being clocked by Miriku's script. The vampire was standing on her chair again, glaring at the startled Bastion. "You're ranting about TYBALT CAPULET, here--the guy who wants to kill your best friend! You're supposed to be dramatic! Angry! Spontaneous!"  
"I don't do spontaneous," Bastion said flatly, folding his arms.  
"Well, you pull off HOPELESS pretty well!" Miriku ran up and climbed onto the stage again, snatching Bastion's sword out of his hands. "Give me that! THIS is how you play Mercutio!!" And without even glancing at the script, she turned and began the scene again, with Syrus stumbling to keep up as she bounded back and forth, stabbing at the air, climbing on the scenery, pitching her tone to something just sort of fury.  
"--'_the very butcher of a silk button, a duelist, a duelist, a gentleman of the very first house of the first and second cause!_'--"  
Atticus shook his head, peering out from behind the curtains. "Now THAT is acting! Who would have thought a girl of fourteen could know that much about drama?"  
"She's probably a lot older than fourteen, you know," Bastion said dryly. "Remember? Immortal vampire? She probably KNEW Shakespere."  
"No way! I'm not THAT old!" Miriku stuck her tongue out at Bastion, then flopped down right in the middle of the stage. "I need a break..."  
"I got tired just WATCHING you," Jaden agreed, running out onto the stage and sprawling out beside her. "I vote five minutes of nap-time!"  
"But you weren't even DOING anything!" Susanna cried.  
But for once her words had no effect, so five minutes passed before they got anything out of the players, and even longer before the scene was finished, with Bastion only a little better than before, Syrus stumbling along with his lines again, and Kiara dissolving into a fit of giggles when she did her lines. Finally Susanna collapsed into her chair. "Wow… I never knew being a director was such hard work."  
"Which scene do we do next?" Danni asked.  
Susanna rubbed her chin for a moment as she thought. "The fight scene in act three. That's supposed to be more action and less words."  
Miriku shook her head. "Susanna, this is Shakespere. It's ALL words...but whatever. On to the stabbing of Tybalt!"

The village backdrop had fortunately not been harmed when the scenery had come down earlier, so the street looked halfway decent. Jaden stalked out onto stage (a hilarious sight anyway), now dressed in a waistcoat and a big plumed hat. Syrus and Bastion followed meekly after (which was even more hilarious).  
This was going to be the first time that Tybalt had actually been seen in-character so far, so the directors were hoping that Zane wasn't going to make a complete and utter hash of it. Needless to say, Zane (or Tybalt) stormed onto stage with a murderous look in his eyes, so that Romeo, Benvolio and Mercutio were quite cowed by his presence.  
"Hey, you guys!" Susanna called, her voice rather hoarse after shouting so much. "You're supposed to show no fear! You hate him, remember?"  
"Hate him?! He's my BROTHER!" Syrus cried.  
"Well, you have to fight him, Benvolio," Susanna told him. "And it WON'T be using monsters!"  
Syrus groaned and turned back to face Zane.  
"You know," Miriku murmured, "only Mercutio and Romeo fight him this scene... Benvolio's conflict was at the beginning of act one..."  
"Shush," Susanna replied good-naturedly.  
"Hey, take it easy, Syrus," Jaden whispered. "Besides, it's Bastion who gets stabbed."  
"I what?!" exclaimed Bastion.  
"Aren't you supposed to be fighting me now?" Zane asked, looking bored.  
"Technically, you're supposed to walk in looking for Romeo, who shouldn't be here right now." Miriku was standing on her seat again, the better to see what was happening. "When Romeo DOES walk in, he refuses to fight you, and Mercutio jumps in to take his place."  
"Well, we're all here now, so let's just get this over with," came the reply, also in a flat, bored tone.  
"All, right, but see here, Zane!" cried Bastion, "You haven't got any cards to back you up now!"  
"'_I am for you!_'" Zane thundered--his script's answering line to Mercutio's challenge--and wooden sword clashed on wooden sword as they began to duel (with _swords_, that is, not cards).  
"Whoa, this is so sweet!" cried Jaden as he watched his friends battle.  
"Jaden, you idiot! You're supposed to try and stop them!" Miriku shouted, waving her script again and this time catching Susanna full in the face.  
Jaden, looking a little reluctant to interrupt the fight, stepped between his two friends. "'_Tybalt! Mercutio! The Prince expressly hath forbid_…'"  
Unfortunately, Zane had already launched himself at Bastion, and was moving too fast to pull up on his attack. "Oh, CRUD!"  
He crashed into Jaden, who stumbled backwards into Bastion and all three ended up on the floor in an embarrassing heap. Danni laughed, interrupting the confrontation that was going on next to her as Susanna wrestled Miriku for the script.  
The three boys lay still for a few seconds, then set about detangling themselves from their cloaks, making sure that nothing was broken. Zane was the first to recover.  
"Bastion," he whispered. "I just stabbed you. Act like you're dying."  
"I don't do…" Bastion began, but seeing the furious look that Miriku gave him over the top of Susanna's head, he affected choking and collapsed on the stage.  
"Finally we get something good outta him," muttered Miriku, sitting on her script so that Susanna couldn't get it.  
Meanwhile, Jaden was trying to act upset without bursting out laughing. "Hey, Tybalt! You killed a child genius…uh, I mean, murdered my best friend!"  
"I thought **I** was your best friend!" whined Syrus.  
"You are, I mean… ugh, never mind. DIE, TYBALT!"  
"Somehow, I don't think that's what Shakespeare wrote," muttered Zane, allowing Jaden to stick his wooden sword between his chest and arm, then falling over backwards.  
"Hey, what kinda last words were they?" Jaden asked, looking down on the fallen Zane.  
"Shut up," hissed Zane, a voice from the dead. "And Syrus, your line..."  
"What? Oh yeah," Syrus fought back his confusion. "Uh… '_Romeo, away, begone! The citizens are…_' something-or-other…"  
Susanna face-palmed.  
Jaden blinked at his friend. "Excuse me, what?"  
"Get going or the Prince will skin you alive," Zane translated.  
"Oh, right, yeah…" Exit Jaden.  
"Truesdale, you're DEAD." Miriku shook her head. "Dead bodies don't translate old English for their brothers' dorky friends!"  
"So sue me," was the flat reply.  
There was a moment of silence. Then Mindy and Jazz ran on-stage, shrieking and wailing dramatically--and making Syrus jump almost out of his skin. They ran back and forth between the two 'bodies', babbling and pretending to cry, acting for all the world like a pair of devastated fangirls. "Call the Prince!" Mindy wailed, standing over Zane.  
Hassleberry ran in, waving his sword. "'TEN-HUT! All right, soldiers! What is the meaning of all this?! I ordered y'all to stand down! Ain't no way there's gonna be murder and unrest in MY barracks! Where's that insubordinate Romeo?!"  
"But Tybalt killed Bast--I mean, Mercutio!" Syrus whined. "He's supposed to be your cousin! Jay--I mean, Romeo--was totally in the right!"  
Hassleberry grinned a little. "I know that, Private Truesdale, but the script says I gotta turn him outta the city."  
"But that isn't fair! Zane started it, not him!"  
"Thanks a lot, Syrus," came the voice from the dead again.  
Hassleberry drew himself up regally, and bellowed, "_SERGEANT ROMEO IS HEREBY DISHONORABLY DISCHARGED FROM VERONA! IF ANY OF Y'ALL EVER SEE HIM HERE AGAIN, I GRANT YOU PERMISSION TO ACT FREELY TO GET RID OF HIM FOR GOOD!_"  
"Now THAT'S not cool!" Jaden called from backstage.  
"You shouldn't have killed my 'cousin'," Alexis retorted.  
Danni shrugged. "Well, that's not exactly how Prince Escalus said it in the script, but..."  
"But at this rate, we aren't GONNA get it right," Miriku sighed. "All right...what should we do next?"  
Susanna grinned. "I'm getting impatient. Why don't we cut right to the potions scene?"  
"Good idea!"

When the curtains next went up, they were showing a church, and to the farthest left of the stage, Juliet's room. In the centre of the church stood Atticus, and what might have been the altar was covered in an assortment of glass bottles and phials.  
Atticus picked up a pink one, took a good look at it and grimaced. "Someone outta call in Professor Banner," he muttered. "And call up the props department--this outfit's so itchy…" he added.  
The 'doors' of the church flew open and Alexis charged down the aisle, her hair flying out behind her and her queer shoes making her stumble. She threw herself down in front of the "altar".  
"Oh, Friar Lawrence, I need some way for Romeo and I to be together! Our families never relent…"  
"Are you actually throwing yourself at my mercy, Alexis?" Atticus asked, a gleeful look in his eyes. "Ooh, that's a dangerous position to be in, sis!"  
"Will you just shut up and do your lines?" Alexis hissed through clenched teeth.  
"Oh, right…okay… something about a sleeping potion so everyone will think you're dead… blah, blah, blah…"  
"Will you be serious for once!?" Susanna screeched from the audience.  
"Fine, I'll make the potion, then." Atticus poured two random liquids into the cauldron that was conveniently positioned on the table. There was a nasty sizzling sound and both Atticus and Alexis leapt back as the a huge puff of smoke went up.  
The girl wrinkled her nose at the scent of burning. "I'm not drinking that…"  
Atticus frowned, sniffed at the smoke and coughed. "Maybe it's better when it's aged?" he suggested in a hoarse voice.  
Alexis rolled her eyes. "So this is why you always got terrible grades at Alchemy…"  
"Look, I'm a pop star, not a chef, 'kay?" Atticus glowered at his sister.  
Susanna leaned over and whispered in Miriku's ear, "Note for next time – keep the Rhodes siblings as far away from each other as possible!"  
Miriku nodded, rolling her eyes. "Guess I'd better break out the Kool-Aid, because I wouldn't trust ANYTHING coming out of THOSE vials...especially not when Atticus had anything to do with them!"

A few moments later, having swigged a phial of Kool-Aid that had been supplied by the vampire director, Alexis was in Juliet's bed at the side of the stage. The bed didn't have a mattress and was at a rather sloping angle, so lying still was almost impossible. Nevertheless, Alexis somehow managed it and lay there, trying hard not to twitch when Kiara walked in.  
"Wake up, wake up, Alexis – I mean, Juliet – the sun is dancing!" she cried brightly, opening the 'curtains' and being almost blinded by a spotlight representing the sun.  
"Get the script right, Kiara," muttered Susanna in the audience.  
Kiara flashed her sixteen-year-old mother a nasty glare before turning back to the still Alexis in the bed.  
"Umm, what're my lines again?"  
"You have to shake her like crazy, then throw your arms around her and shout, '_Help! My lady's dead!_'" Atticus whispered from the church. Why was it that he could remember everyone else's lines and not remember his own?!  
Alexis growled softly in the back of her throat, just loud enough for her brother to hear. But Kiara, still tripping over her costume, took Atticus at his word, cried out her lines while trying to shake Alexis without banging her head on the bed.  
Suddenly there was a nasty cracking sound. Alexis' eyes snapped open, and Kiara became very still. They glanced at each other.  
"Are you doing that?" Kiara asked.  
"No, I --ARGH!" The end of Alexis' sentence became a scream as the bed gave way beneath her and she hit the floor with a thump and a crash.  
The three directors groaned and sighed and fidgeted. "What's gone wrong NOW?" they demanded of each other.  
Atticus leaned against the side of the church, a knowing smirk plastered all over his handsome face. "Hey, Lex, ya might wanna cut back on the cheese fries."  
Alexis sat up straight and shot a furious look at him. "You just don't know when to shut up, do you?" she stormed as Atticus fell about laughing. "And just what caused the bed to collapse, might I ask?!"  
Kiara bent cautiously over, examining the pile of broken wood. "Woodworm," she mused.  
Susanna and Danni did a typical Anime-style fall while Miriku leapt up onto her seat and hollered at the curtains where she knew the subject of her ranting was lurking. "**ASTER PHOENIX!**"  
"I TOLD you some of this stuff was old, but I never thought it would be THAT old!" Aster was visibly sweating and pulling nervously on the collar of his shirt.  
"And stay right where you are, Atticus Rhodes!" Susanna leapt to her feet and pointed a finger like a pistol at the friar. "You're supposed to be hiding out in the church! It's not gonna look good if the friar pulls people around in a headlock!"  
"I wasn't going to do anything!" Atticus protested, but no one was listening.  
Miriku ran an exhausted hand across her forehead. "Ugh… let's just cut to the crypt scene…"

The scenery had been reworked for the fifth time, this time to resemble the inside of a crypt. The lights were dim on-stage, with a single beam from the spotlight shining down on the grey-shrouded Alexis. The three directors sat quietly in the front row, waiting.  
Chazz walked in slowly, having changed his outfit to one of black silk and velvet. He was carrying a boquet of white flowers, and stopped beside the pillar, staring mournfully at the 'corpse'. Then he sighed dramatically, and rested one of the flowers over Alexis' folded hands. "'_Sweet flower, with flowers thy bridal bed I strew...'_"  
Miriku grinned a little, hunching down in her seat. "Now THAT is a romantic scene!" she whispered as the boy finished his short monologue.  
"'_O woe, thy canopy is dust and stones!_'"  
"A-CHOO!" Alexis sat up abruptly, caught up in a sneezing fit.  
"Geez, you alright, Lex?" Chazz asked.  
"This – pedestal's – all – dusty!" gasped Alexis before sneezing six times more.  
"Where did you get it, Aster?" Chazz shot a flaming glare over his shoulder at Aster Phoenix, who was watching from behind the curtain. He held up his hands to defend himself.  
"I just found it in the store-closet at the back of the theatre! How was I to know that it was last taken out in the sixteenth century!?"  
"You're not asthmatic are you?" Chazz asked worriedly as Alexis continued to sneeze next to him.  
"Of course not!" exclaimed Alexis angrily between sneezes. "But YOU try lying on a dusty pedestal for fifteen minutes while the boys go gaga over you!"  
"Here," said Chazz gruffly, handing her the handkerchief that had been tied round his bouquet. "That should stop you sneezing, anyway."  
"Ooh, Chazz, I never knew you cared!" called Jaden from off-stage.  
"Why I oughtta…" Chazz was about to swing round when Susanna stood up.  
"Hey, take it easy, Paris! You'll be able to vent your rage when you fight him!"  
"Now, on with the show!" cried Miriku. "You were doing brilliantly until Alexis' sneezing started up…"  
"That wasn't MY fault!"  
"Just lie down again!"  
Alexis did so, reluctantly, with the cloth draped over her face.  
Chazz looked up at a sharp whistle from Aster, said his lines about 'an approaching stranger', and faded back into the dimness upstage, seeming for all the world to disappear completely into the shadows.  
Jaden stepped in, also dressed in sheer black, and ran right up to the pillar, only stumbling a little over his lines. He let his sword drop to the ground, and, cautiously, reached out to touch Alexis' hand. That was when Chazz leaped out from the shadows to challenge him. They spoke their lines, Chazz affecting fury and Jaden, desperation. "Now it's time to Chazz you up!" the black-haired boy crowed when they were finished.  
"Paris doesn't say that…" Susanna began, but Miriku pulled her back in her seat.  
"Hush, don't interrupt them! This is the best thing that's happened so far!"  
And then, snarling at each other, the boys began to fight.  
"This is amazing!" Danni whispered, wide-eyed. So far, not one of them had missed a line; they had been acting beautifully, and the sword-fight was so good, it looked almost rehearsed. First Chazz seemed to have the upper hand, and then Jaden would have it again. Back and forth across the stage they went, ducking and weaving, slashing and parrying like experts. Finally, Chazz's sword went flying from his hand, clattering off into the darkness--and with a triumphant yell, Jaden stabbed his own fiercely between Chazz's arm and side.  
The dark-haired teen gawked at the sword, and then at Jaden, doing a very good impression of bemusement. Then he staggered back a few paces, dropping to his knees. "'_O, I am slain! If thou be merciful, open the tomb--lay me with Juliet!_'" Then he fell over on his side.  
Jaden stepped backwards for a moment, then gasped. "Hey, I won!"  
"Well, DUH!" Danni called. "You're Romeo!"  
"Well done, Slacker," came Chazz's voice from the dead. "Now you're supposed to recognize me!"  
"Well, I do recognize you! You're Chazz!"  
The corpse twitched and the directors groaned.  
"It's Paris, Jaden!" Susanna called. "You know, Juliet's betrothed?"  
"I… what... OH!" Jaden gasped again. "Oh, Paris, I'm sorry!"  
"Jaden, play the scene right!" said the voice from the dead.  
"Oh, right, sorry!" said Jaden, and he whirled round to hurry up to the pedestal.  
He pulled back the shroud and took Alexis' hand in his own, speaking his lines with a quiet fondness that made the three directors smile. As the speech continued, his tone faded from that sad fondness to despair. Reaching into the pouch on his belt, he pulled out a small vial filled with green Kool-Aid--the poison.  
"'_Eyes, look your last. Arms, take your last embrace. And lips, O, you, the doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss--a dateless bargain to encroaching death_' ...Gah, there are so many words I don't know here..."  
He paused for a moment, gulping, his knuckles gone white around the stoppered test-tube of Kool-Aid. The entire theater was absolutely silent and still; the tension in the air was palpable. No one moved a single muscle, not even the normally irrepressible Miriku--even she was sitting ramrod-straight, still as a statue, her slitted brown eyes focused solely on the stage.  
With a soft sigh and a determined nod, Jaden closed his eyes and lowered his head...  
"_**EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!**_"  
Jazz and Mindy hurtled onto the stage, screaming their heads off. Jaden nearly jumped out of his skin; Alexis almost fell off her pedastel. The three directors DID fall off their chairs--and glared up at the two girls as they ran across the stage. Chazz scrambled out of their way to avoid getting trampled, snarling. "What's the MATTER with you two?!" he roared. "We're in the middle of a scene, here!!"  
The two girls, who had collapsed to their knees at the other end of the stage and were now clinging to each other, pointed trembling hands at two dark, fluttering shapes swirling around the beam of the spotlight. "BATS!" they cried in terror, and clung tighter to each other, whimpering.  
Miriku sweatdropped. "Oh, GREAT. I am going to KILL him..."  
Susanna blinked at her. "Him? Him who?"  
Miriku ignored her, standing up and climbing onto the stage. "BOY-CHILD, YOU BETTER COME DOWN BEFORE I COUNT TO THREE, OR BINGO AND BONGO HERE GET IT!"  
"Their names are Chris and Eric!" an annoyed voice shouted back from overhead. A young boy of no more than eleven or twelve scrambled down from the catwalks overhead. He dropped down to the stage and glared at Miriku, while the two bats flew down and settled on his shoulders.  
Jaden gawked at him, and then at Miriku--the resemblance between the two was obvious. "Is that...your BROTHER?!"  
Miriku nodded, rolling her eyes. "Yeah, that's my brother Stuart. Vampire, bat-trainer, and all-around pain in my ass."  
"That's what brothers are for," Alexis said dryly, glancing over at Atticus.  
The brunette boy didn't notice his sister's glare. He was currently staring between the two vampires as well, startled. "Uh... I thought you said... that you had..."  
"I never actually SAID that, did I?" Miriku shot back. "I just let you jump to your own conclusions." Then she folded her arms, staring hard at her own brother. "What are you doing here, anyway? Don't you have other bats to train, aside from Bingo and Bongo?"  
"Chris and Eric needed some exercise. Besides, what good is a tomb without bats?"  
Aster, who had also come out on-stage, sighed. "This is a CRYPT. They were kept in very good condition. No bats could get in. This isn't a cartoon, you know!"  
"Nope, it's just a parody of one." Stuart sniggered--and ducked as Miriku chucked her script at him.  
"Shut up, boy! Breaking the fourth wall is OUR job, dammit!"  
"Well, Stuart," said Susanna, trying to sound stern over her amusement. "Since you've so totally mucked up our scene, want to come and watch the rest of it?"  
Stuart's face lit up like a Roman Candle. "Do I ever!" he cried.  
Miriku turned to Susanna. "But do you… I mean… he's…"  
"Come on, he came, why let him miss the show?" Susanna's eyes twinkled. "And besides, Danni here's been filming most of this on her mobile phone…"  
"Cell phone."  
"Whatever." Susanna grinned. "We may not make any money out of this, but I bet it's going to be the longest tape that You've Been Framed ever got!"  
The British girl settled in her seat and Stuart, cuddling his bats, sat behind the three directors.  
"Okay--Jaden, Alexis, carry on!"  
All the characters who weren't part of the scene scattered, except Atticus, who lingered close to the 'door' of the crypt, awaiting his entrance.  
Jaden and Alexis shook their heads a few times before getting back into character.  
"Wait… where were we?" asked Jaden.  
"You're supposed to collapse and die!" yelled Chazz.  
"Oh, right, yeah…" Jaden gave an overdramatic performance of his last breath, and collapsed beside Alexis.  
"How long have I got to stay like this?" he whispered through clenched teeth.  
"As long as it takes," Alexis hissed back as she started to awaken.  
Atticus charged in, panic etched on his face.  
"'_Romeo! Alack! Alack!_'" he cried.  
There was a nasty rumbling sound from behind him… and suddenly, for the second time that afternoon, the backdrop collapsed, crushing half the scenery in the process. A huge cloud of dust went up as Alexis and Jaden scrambled out of the way.  
Atticus' face had paled, also for a second time. "Whoa, man…" he said, scratching the back of his head. "Did I do that?"  
"I hung it up properly, I swear!" Aster sounded frantic. "I don't know what's happening to these things! They just keep falling over, no matter what I do!"  
Zane stepped around from backstage, arms folded. "What's with all the noise?" his eyes widened at the carnage on-stage. "The scenery came down AGAIN? You've got to be kidding me..."  
"It's not OUR fault," Chazz grumbled. "We're the victims, here! This play's been going wrong from the very beginning!"  
"Yeah!" Jaden complained. "It's like we've been cursed or something!"  
"Everybody check your pockets for evil talismans," Miriku joked, earning her a glare from her friends and most of the cast.  
"Actually..."  
All eyes turned to Zane, who shifted uncomfortably. Then he pulled something out of his vest's inside pocket, holding it up so that everyone could see. It was a black pendant hung on black ribbon, engraved with silver runes.  
"I found this in my coat earlier, and couldn't figure out what it was. I brought it with me anyway, to see if I could figure it out..."  
"And you're supposed to be the smart one!" Susanna groaned. "So what is it?"  
"It's an evil talisman," Miriku growled. "It brings bad luck everyone within a 50 mile radius." She turned to glare at Stuart, who had risen to his feet and was edging out from behind the seats. "It sure feels familiar...like, maybe having YOUR power-signal on it. What do you think?"  
"Uh..." Stuart smiled cheekily. "I think it's time for me to split! 'Bye!!" He took off down the aisle at a dead run, and was out the doors in seconds, leaving his pet bats to flutter confusedly out behind him.  
"I am SO glad I'm an only child," Danni sighed. Susanna nodded vigorously in agreement.  
"That boy is gonna get himself burned one of these days," Miriku muttered, shaking her head. "Well, Zane, you better get rid of that thing before something ELSE goes wrong."  
Zane nodded. "I'm taking it straight out to the dumpster." He turned on his heel and hurried around the wreckage that had once been their crypt set, heading for the back door that would lead him outside instead of into the hallways.

That was when the lights went out.

Predictably, Jazz and Mindy shrieked at the tops of their lungs. This was followed by the sound of something heavy hitting the floor, and a lot of scuffling from on-stage.  
"Outta my way!"  
"Hey! Watch it!"  
"YOU watch it, Slacker!"  
"Quit pulling my hair!"  
"That was my foot!!"  
"That was my eye!!"  
"You don't even want to KNOW what that was!"  
"EVERYBODY SHUT UP!!" Miriku's voice echoed ominously throughout the entire auditorium, creating instant silence.  
Susanna blinked at the darkness beside her, where she knew her friend was sitting. "Right. You can see in the dark better than the rest of us..."  
"Yeah, and I'm gonna go see what's up. Nobody move! ...I mean, except for Zane. You've got a clear path to the door --get RID of that thing!"  
"Of course." Seconds later, the double-doors to the side of the stage swung open, silhouetting Zane against the bright light from outside.  
"Head towards the liiiiiight..." Danni called in a spooky tone.  
"**NO!!**" The yell was simultaneous, from every other person in the room. The volume of the shout was enough to make Danni wince. "Jeez...did I miss something?"  
"Only the whole second season," Susanna sighed.  
Miriku nodded. "Yeah...Society of Light... not fun." She looked up at the stage, her eyes skimming the mess of wreckage and actors in center-stage that was now more or less visible in the light pouring in from the doors Zane had left open behind him. "...SYRUS!"  
The blue-haired boy jumped, standing up straight. "Huh?!"  
All three directors sweatdropped. The patch of wall Syrus had been leaning against was clearly visible in the daylight--and it was covered in light switches.  
"Sy, you were leaning on the lights! Flip them all back!!"  
Sy blinked, then hurried to flip all the switches back up, flooding the stage and the seats with light once more.  
"So…" said Susanna, rubbing at her eyes as the cast began to untangle themselves. "Now that Miriku's evil little brother has crashed our play for the second time, the lights are fixed, but the sets are all but completely destroyed… what do we do next?"  
"Send Romeo and Juliet off on their honeymoon?" suggested Syrus.  
"We're both dead, you numbskull," Alexis hissed.  
"Nah, why don't we just wrap it up here?" Kiara smiled sweetly. "Though I don't think we'll ever make any money…"  
"I don't think that was ever these three's intention," said Aster. The crowd cleared, just in time for Hassleberry to bellow, "'_ALL ARE PUNISHED!_'" across the stage. Kiara, being the only other person they could think of, stumbled out onto stage and gabbled out something about two families now forever united…  
"'_Because there was never a tale of greater woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo…_' Wait, that technically doesn't rhyme…"  
"And since when do I belong to anyone?" Jaden demanded, then caught Alexis' eye and blushed an interesting shade of scarlet.  
"Too late!" Susanna called. "Time's up! Well," she said, turning to her friends. "That went as well as could be expected, hmm?"  
Danni and Miriku goggled at her, then at each other. "She's gotta be joking."  
"Oh, and guys…" Susanna turned back to the GX characters who looked nervously at her. The British girl grinned, tossing her long hair back.  
"Remind me never EVER to work a parody with you lot again!"

**THE END**


End file.
